On Saturday morning, I read the Torah at my synagogue. This is something I learned how to do in the years before my Bar Mitzvah at age 13, and then did not do again until this past year, 30 years later. Now I try to do it every few months.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, the Torah is the five books of Moses. The Hebrew words are painstakingly written onto parchment and wound onto two scrolls. Each week at Saturday morning services, a section of the Torah is read, so that in the course of each year, you get through the entire thing, only to rewind the scrolls and start again. In addition to the words, there are notations which indicate the melody that goes with the words. This is called the trope. (There are many internet sites about trope. Those of you who are interested in seeing and hearing trope might check out "Ellie's Torah Trope Tutor" at www.ellietorah.com.)

Here's the hitch: while the Torah you read from has the Hebrew letters, it does not have the vowels or the trope. These must be memorized. And without vowels, several different Hebrew words might look the same. And further, mistakes in the text are not allowed, and are corrected on the spot.

Needless to say, a lot of preparation goes into this, and the pressure is really on.

So why would I want to do this?

Well, first of all, I think the music is lovely. The melodies for each notation are remarkably simple, but when strung together, they make a beautifully flowing sing-song.

Second, the process of learning the portion is meditative and soothing. As my knowledge of biblical Hebrew is rather limited to say the least, it almost feels like an ever-expanding mantra. I do one sentence, then add a sentence, then do both together, then add a third, etc. I do not meditate, but this feels what I would imagine meditation would feel like. (Maybe I should try meditating...)

Third, the Torah reading is my favorite part of the service, and I enjoy being an active participant. There is something about the experience that connects me in a palpable way with my father, my grandparents, and their parents and grandparents back through hundreds of years. Whether you believe that the words come from God or not, these exact words have been chanted in a similar way for thousands of years. I find it a very powerful and meaningful experience.

What I find very interesting and a bit confusing is that I get very nervous reading the Torah. Needless to say, I perform for and speak to much larger audiences all the time and don't get nervous at all; and the congregants at my synagogue are supportive, non-judgmental and delighted that I am doing this at all. So what's that about?

I don't know....I guess it just speaks to the fact that we all have comfort zones, outside of which we get nervous. That's all.